A Roman Holiday
by highanimalhouse
Summary: The Doctor and Clara go on their honeymoon, but when has the Doctor ever done anything normal?
1. Chapter 1

**What's weird about this story is it's almost like this past week's Flatline but I started on this about two weeks ago (before I saw Flatline). **

"So, how big was the ring?"

"How did he purpose?"

"Is he rich?"

"Does he have a job?"

A simple lunch for the former Clara Oswald with her girlfriends.

Why am I doing this? I no longer am even a human! I am a Gallifreyian! Clara says in voiceover. Since learning their language and becoming a Gallifreyian, Clara finds her thoughts are turning more complex and finds herself writing their language in her day-to-day life.

"Well, it's rather complicated," she responded.

My two best friends all my life and I suddenly find them no more interesting than that glass of water over there or that fly that just landed on my plate, Clara continues in voiceover.

I just have to keep up appearances even though I cannot relate to them anymore, she continues.

"I can tell you this – we went to Rome," Clara says as her friends act giddly and react excitedly. "Here's what happened on our honeymoon…."

Cuts to a restaurant in Rome, the Doctor is shown pacing around a bit. There is no one else in the restaurant except for him and a waiter.

Clara arrives in a beautiful turquoise dress and the Doctor sees her as she enters.

"You cleaned up rather well," he says as he pulls out the chair for her.

"Doctor, I didn't know," Clara blushes as she sits down. "I didn't know you were capable of being romantic!"

"That is something I have always known, Clara. I am aware of human courting rituals and what human couples do on their honeymoon," he says.

"And what do they do?" Clara says as she sips water.

"They take each other somewhere romantic with the hope of having intercourse later," the Doctor says matter-of-factly.

"So that's your intention," Clara says with a smile.

"Why yes it is….why wouldn't it be? You know I'm not human, Clara."

"And neither am I, remember? I'm having to adjust to that idea. I just know I am Clara Oswald."

"Exactly – that' s what it's like to be a Time Lord – or a Time Lady in this case. You are just you. Just do what you would do normally. For me, I didn't get to be like this on accident. I honestly haven't felt this way since I was a young boy," the Doctor giddily says with a smile.

The Doctor reaches across the table and holds hands with Clara.

"Clara Oswald, there is no one else that I would want to be married to other than you."

"You're making me blush, Doctor," Clara says with a smile.

"I got you a gift."

"Oh, you are full of surprises," Clara exclaims.

The Doctor opens a case and holds up a diamond necklace.

"It's beautiful," Clara says.

"I got it from a store on Earth called Tiffany's. You heard of it?"

"Of course, but where did you get the money?"

"I told them I was a diamond examiner from headquarters and I needed to take the necklace to check for defects."

"And they believed you?"

"Yes, I showed them this," says the Doctor as he shows her his badge.

"Right, I remember you would do that."

The Doctor stands up and gets behind Clara with the necklace. He puts the necklace on her.

"Also, I took the liberty of including a communication device in the necklace. You never know."

"Right….about that," says Clara. "With me being a Time Lady, what do I do now?"

"Well, normally on Gallifrey – you would do complex calculus equations for fun. Also, for someone your age – you are 18 or 19, right?"

"Actually, I'm 25," Clara responds.

"Anyway, you would still be in the Academy at this point. At least until you are 90."

"So I will not age?"

"No, you won't age for quite awhile. Luckily, for you in the TARDIS, I do have Time Lord Academy material that can help. It's not quite the same obviously as being in the Academy."

"So it's like an online learning course."

"You could say that. Anyway, I have one more surprise," says the Doctor.

The Doctor pulls out a sonic screwdriver and another psychic paper.

"Is that yours?"

"No, I have my own. This is yours. I trust you completely Clara….and you have used mine a few times, so I figure why not give you your own?" as the Doctor hands her the screwdriver and the paper.

"I also got you a pair of glasses because…" says the Doctor.

"Glasses are cool?" Clara finishes for him.

"Right. They'll act as my eyes and I'll see what you are seeing. Just in case of course."

The waiter arrives.

"Are you ready sir or madam?" asks the waiter.

"Yes….Clara, I'll order for us. The Missus will have the fettuccini alfredo and…."

Intercuts with the Doctor and Clara talking.

"Gioffre Borgia says to me, what do you think of our Leaning Tower of Pisa? I say (as the Doctor leans sideways) it looks okay to me."

Clara laughs in response….

"So she wore it."

"The dress?"

"Yes…the professor said, 'My dear, although that may be fashionable, but looking like Courtney Love will not pass in this class.'

The waiter comes back with a bill.

"Put it on my tab."

"Your tab, sir?"

The Doctor shows the waiter his 'badge.'

"Oh I see….yes, Mr. Wyler."

"Mr. Wyler?" asks Clara.

"I'll explain later."

The Doctor and Clara are walking through Rome after leaving the restaurant, arm in arm. Clara sees the Piazza Navona ahead and how the moonlight looks over it.

"Out of every place I've seen – this is the most romantic. I never knew that was truly in you, Doctor."

While Clara is walking, she is stopped along the way by some men in suits. "Excuse me Ms. Hepburn?"

"Ms. Hepburn? I'm flattered you would think that….but I'm not Audrey Hepburn."

"She's the stand-in, Neville. Ma'am, we need to see you for a moment, please come with us."

"Stand-in? I'm here with my husband…." Clara looks to where the Doctor was standing, but he has disappeared.

"….and he's gone."

"He probably went into a gift shop," says Neville.

"What's going on?" asks Clara.

*cue Dr. Who theme*


	2. Chapter 2

"It seems Ms. Hepburn has fallen ill – do you mind following us to the set?"

Clara follows along behind them and stops for a second.

"I may have forgotten something – it should only take a second."

"Doctor, what exactly is going on here? Ms. Hepburn?" demands Clara through the necklace given to her.

The Doctor is in the TARDIS communicating with Clara.

"Well, it's quite simple really. We are indeed in the year 1953. I actually got pulled back inside the TARDIS while you were talking to those men…"

"Got pulled back in? How?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. According to the TARDIS, I'm actually there in Rome! I don't see how – I don't exactly remember why I would want to go to Rome in 1953 nonetheless…."

"So now what?" asks Clara.

"Anyway, go with those men. I tried to leave the TARDIS, but it wouldn't let me. It only very rarely does that if it senses something as an imminent threat."

"So what do I do?" asks Clara.

"Play the part. I have gotten mistaken identity quite a number of times. A Prime Minister once thought I was on The Leftovers."

"Focus Doctor," pleads Clara.

"So yes….do what you are being asked to do and figure out what's going on here. If you need me, I'm here. I'm in the TARDIS after all. But I won't solve this for you – this is something I know you are truly capable of doing, Mrs. Who."

Clara seems a bit bothered and presses the necklace to turn off communication. "Capable of doing, right. Yes Neville?" as Clara walks back up to the two men. "I'm ready."

"Splendid, follow us this way."

Inside a trailer, Audrey Hepburn seems to be frozen in a trance.

"How long has she been like this?" asks Clara.

"We just found her like this. She won't respond….won't move nor take a bite to eat."

"Have you contacted any doctors?"

"No, we don't want leaking to the press that Audrey Hepburn is quite ill. Wouldn't be a great idea."

"I see," says Clara. "May I have a few moments alone with Ms. Hepburn?"

"Certainly," says Neville as they shut down the trailer's door.

"Frozen as if in a trance," Clara says aloud. She pulls out her sonic screwdriver and uses it to examine Ms. Hepburn. "Nothing out of the ordinary there." Clara touches Audrey's face. "But she does seem very cold."

Clara looks at where Audrey Hepburn is looking in the mirror. "I don't see anything either."

Clara then hears a cry coming from the mirror. "Help me I'm trapped!"

"Who's there?" Clara asks as she looks around the room. Clara looks in the mirror and in the far corner of the mirror.

"I'm trapped, can you see me?" Audrey Hepburn stands behind Clara in the mirror.

"Yes I can. You are Audrey Hepburn?"

"I am indeed," says the figure in the mirror.

"How did you get there?"

"One moment I was looking in the mirror – the next, I couldn't move. I felt a very strong force pulling me into the mirror. Then I found myself here."

"What were you doing before it happened? Try to remember as much as you can," says Clara.

"I was reading my lines for the afternoon before filming and eating my lunch – when I suddenly couldn't move. "

"I should have you out of there…." Clara scans the mirror with the sonic screwdriver. "Well, maybe not. I can sense a strong presence coming from the mirror."

"Do hurry! I don't know how much longer I can last!" as Audrey Hepburn pleads.

"I'll do my best," Clara says in response. "Doctor?" as Clara pushes on the necklace. "What exactly is going on?"

"I don't know," says the Doctor from inside the TARDIS. "I got your scans from the mirror - but there's not enough to determine anything."

"Alright, I'll look around and see what I can find out. Ms. Hepburn, I'll be back for you," says Clara as she leaves the trailer.

Clara closes the trailer door and sees Neville and his associate.

"What's the matter with Ms. Hepburn?"

"She's….fine, just resting," Clara says in a lie. "Do you mind if I look around?"

"Well, you are Ms. Hepburn's body double, so we need you for a few scenes with Gregory Peck. You will have no dialogue of course."

Clara walks through the set and sees the various crew members bustling about. William Wyler's chair is shown along with the various directors and crew members' chairs.

"Mr. Wyler….so that's where the Doctor got that from? Is William Wyler the Doctor?" Clara wonders aloud.

"Miss, is there a problem?" Neville responds.

"Oh nothing…don't mind me," Clara laughs.

Clara arrives at a bench and a tall figure is standing near it, smoking a cigarette. The figure whispers something in Clara's ear.

"Whatever you do, don't trust those men. I have the strangest sense they aren't even human."

Clara seems surprised and looks at the figure.

"Excuse my manners. I'm Gregory Peck. So Audrey is still ill? That's fine."

Clara shakes hands with Gregory and William Wyler finally arrives.

"Alright, my clever girl, you've finally came out of your trailer!"

"Actually, this is the body double."

"Oh….I see," says William Wyler. "If you would, lay down on the bench.

As Clara scans over the crowd, she sees a familiar face from the Doctor's timeline. It's her Doctor in disguise – she could recognize his chin from anywhere. Her Doctor is the camera operator. Clara lays down on the bench and closes her eyes as the director shouts 'action.'

Clara sees a figure and…it looks like her.

"So you think you know him? You realize what you gave up? You'll never grow old. All your best friends will die. You don't know what you are asking for here."

"Who are you?" asks Clara.

"I'm the side to yourself that you tried to suppress. You are not the first one and you won't be the last one. You just have to remember – first it was Jo, then Sarah Jane. He almost married Sarah Jane, you know. Then Romana – she was like you. Ace, Rose, Martha, Amy, and now you. What makes beautiful women fall for the Doctor? Now you're married to him? You'll be alive to see the Earth die. It just may not be with him."

Clara opens her eyes suddenly and sits up. She sees Gregory Peck and the crew members looking at her.

"Well, that was a good take, I guess. Everyone take a break."


End file.
